My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
