You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have fence marks all over my body
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
