i don't like sucking hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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