Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
