I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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