I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
