I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
