i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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