just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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