Already got asked if we're dating
I want to walk on stilts...naked
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
