You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
