party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
