you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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