i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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