He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
