this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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