Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
