Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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