drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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