Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
