omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
