Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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