i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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