Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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