when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
