he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
