if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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