I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize