i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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