I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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