Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
