I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
