I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there was a trapeze. enough said
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
