I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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