listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
