TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
