i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
