shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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