My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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