I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
