take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize