that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
