im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
