i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
