it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
