and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i love accidental penises.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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