Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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