i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just had sex bonerless
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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