The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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