I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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