i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
