clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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