I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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