I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
