If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
