exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
