Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
