I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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