you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
