Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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