Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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