I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
