That's intense
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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