he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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