I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
